No Title 

​I am a loud introvert…  

That means there is a tendency to give the wrong impression and then roll with the whole thing until it blows up in the worlds of those who claim to know me. 

It is very easy to feel lonely around me because I care not very much for the intricacies that are involved in companionship and the like.. (Hahahaha that is a lie,  this girl is a sucker for love)…. 

Well for the most part,  I am that human that wants to be figured out….  My extreme introvert tendencies only allow me to show a few aspects of my life,  mostly those Common to the people around me at a particular point in time.. 

(And no,  I am not a hypocrite neither am I bipolar or tripolar… Or what ever it is that comes after that) 

I sit there and wait to be figured out by those that claim to love me and reward them with the gift of my friendship 

You see I say that my friendship is a reward not because I  think myself in high regard (read,  overly intelligent,  exceptionally talented and beautiful narcissist).. (Also if the name Sherlock Holmes didn’t cross your mind while reading the previous description;  stop reading as I don’t think you worthy of reading my piece..) (See …I am such a nice person…..  Honest and the like) 

But because I love my friends and when I love,  I do so deeply and very truly (if this doesn’t make grammatical sense, just interpret it as an emphasis kind of thing..) 

And so I feel my friendship worth earning…  Worth waiting for and in the extreme of worlds,  (read war time, during a purge,  poverty,  or a basic girl fight)  worth fighting for (this will be rare and most of the circumstances will require fighting along with me as opposed to fighting for me). 

I am also very opinionated (in my head mostly),  to a certain degree stubborn and but also somewhat conflicted….  (This shall be solved by the nyum nyum,  don’t ask what that is….. But I’ll tell you anyway..  That is code for my planet of bliss). 

In conclusion, I wrote this mostly for me and I will be reluctant to share it so if you are reading this then count yourself lucky for being one of the few people to benefit from my generosity. 

Yours truly,  ME

my mind ran away with me 

​my mind ran away with me.. 

It went with me into the chambers of my heart,  and fit me into the little cracks and crevices of the walls that once stood as its protection….  

Which walls are  now only reminders that the some of them came down,  my heart evaded and then broken….. 

My mind ran away with me into those memories and I was reminded of how good it felt to be strong and unbroken… 

But it also showed me how beautiful it was to have you in it …

it reminded me that I was stronger with you in it ….and that life was worth living becuase for a while you did a better job at taking care of my heart than I ever did … 

Because my mind kept all the memories, it sat me down in my heart and played me a video of how often and hard I laughed and cried when you were here with me (the darn video was so long and cheesy and I only say that the video was sad because you left..) 

But I shall move forward now,  for they say it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all…  So my mind brought me back,  and reminded me of the Hope of a better life somehow and a better love in the times to come.

Yours truly,  the reforming pessimist

The Memory of the non existent 

​I sat next to you today 

I don’t quite remember if we spoke!  But how else would I be able to feel this way if we didn’t say a word to each other? 

I sat next to you today; and all I can say is that it was breathtaking, so much that the memory of having you next to me is in itself breathtaking all these hours later

I sat next to you today, was this the first time we’ve met?  Or was this Time’s way of telling me something…  showing me that at a different place and time, in a different era,long before time was even birthed, you existed , and that in that time, may be I knew you. 

I cannot lie, I did not pay attention to what you looked like,  I cannot even accurately say what your smile looked like, but I felt it in my heart that you laughed, and when you did, you laughed with all your might…  

I sat next to you today but time did not allow me to look at you longer,  all I remember is that you smiled, and that it was beautiful . 

I cannot remember if I hugged you at the end of our encounter but I felt warm, I still do.. the kind of warmth that travels through the rays of the early morning sunrise.. 

I sat next to you today, and it feels like I have met you before.. but before I go ahead to define what I saw and didn’t see, it was a pleasant moment, so much that my eyes tear at the thought of seeing you again..

I sat next to you today and I don’t know why you were there today, next to me. . 

I don’t know who you are but I sat next to you today, and I think you are love, because I can feel it and I want what you have to give… 

I sat next to you today, and I let you slip away

The Reforming Pessimist 

loud thoughts

​” We not so very often meet people that we admire, people from whose existence we draw inspiration, people to whom look at and are in awe!… 

The only and next best thing to do is to explore them, to try and dissect them to find out what makes them the way they are!..  .we do not achieve this by merely being with them in the sense of a label (a much desired label )..

We get to know them by being “with them” in every sense of the word…. growing with them, learning them and learning with them…  

And nothing can break a bond created that way” 

Yours truly a reforming pessimist “.. .

Musings on Mumhood- Feminism, Love and Grief

This is so sweet!..

The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive

Edit: for some reason this post is showing as May 18th. I wrote it on June 11, so go figure!

I’m currently writing this at 11.30pm, in the garden, where a fairly stiff breeze is blowing. This is the only place I know I won’t run to the baby if he cries (Robert is in the house with him, in case you think I’ve just left him). I’ve wanted to get some thoughts down about motherhood for months, but it’s been rather hard to write. Not just due to the new occupant of my lap. But because my feelings are hurricaning through me and evolving every day.

When I was pregnant, I finally kicked a nasty, expensive habit that garnered me more than my fair share of tuts and frowns.

Bad for your health. And your vocabulary. Bad for your health. And your vocabulary.

Part of the reason I read these exploitative trashmags is that I love peoples’ stories…

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